No. This isn't about Jacob, (new moon) - my favourite scene-where Jacob takes his t-shirt off to comfort bitch face-two timing- Bella played by- Kirsten Stewart.
This piece is about those few moments throughout the day, that you- mum get those few moments of calm. That hmmmm feeling, which happens when you are not preparing breakfast, reorganising commitments to suit all the extracurricular activities that your child attends- not only stressful, but a major drama, often- you are the one who gets the blame if the schedule (god forbid) changes.
I get that hmmmm feeling when I return home after drop off. Mornings are the worst. I would skip that part, fast forward to 9 am- fuck we made it moment- hmmmmm moment. Unlike the before and in between which are -fuck fuck fuck ! We are late !
What about when you are about to leave to go somewhere and your child decides otherwise.
At that moment - they lose something valuable. Of course it's your fault and you put it somewhere else. Happens every time .
Why can't getting out the door be a smooth exit? A hmmmmm moment-instead it's a melt down, where did you put it, you are horrible-let's fucking exit.
Toilet trips- a personal favouritie. Get in the car. Belt on. Start the engine. Travelling along, and it begins, mummy I have to go to the toilet- happens every time! The next 10 minutes are torture. "I need to go mummy. Can't you stop? Seriously mummy"!
Logic in these situations, fucking pointless -naturally you cave in, and get to the destination fashionably late.
Another favourite is when you leave home, yes another fucking road trip. "Mummy I am thirsty"- Keep driving -Stay cool. These demands start off real sweet- "Mummy. I am real thirsty"- whistle, keep going- your inner voice- we are not going to be half an hour late again- within seconds, that angelic tone goes bad ass- ferrall.
Obviously the warning we are leaving- must have sounded like blah blah blah! If you thirsty mummy will get you water! Blah blah,
I love this one, get to the counter , child without asking grabs a chocolate bar and hands it to the cashier. It's on - The stare. Then the shake of the head- signalling no, put it down. That stare back- it's on . I want it. Its only a dollar. Point the finger- you are so mean, everybody else's mum would get it for their child, you suck!
Why does leaving friends place have to end with tears - by far the worst. No matter how much warning, notice, you end up being the worst person ever.
Why do we have to go ? Why can't you let me play? I don't want too! Five more minutes. Naturally - you wait ten and reattempt, it's time to go. It starts all over, I don't want too, it's only been two minutes, followed by tears, and, you always do this . Get in the car, and it starts all over again.
Attempts to pacify, clearly are having the opposite effect. That hmmmmm moment, would play out as follows-
Its time to go , five more minutes mummy, I will put my shoes on and say goodbye. So not happening, one can only hope, hmmmmmm!
This next one, drives me nuts. The no privacy when I need to go to the toilet. That hmmmm feeling is just shattered! Usually I don't respond and I get a whatever- usually- not often enough!
Open the door. I need to tell you something. Hmmmmmmm. Mummy I need you to show me where you put my special bracelet I made. Hmmmmmmm.
Again ,those two minutes of hmmmmmm are interrupted, by a frantic, distressed child. The whole, I will help you when I finish, is like what the fuck ever, I want my bracelet because my life depends on it, and what the fuck is personal space!
On the plus side you find the bracelet and you are a super hereo, that's always a bonus, hmmmmm.
And then the moments, you witness your strong willed child, not feeling the best, and they call out mummy, it's as though a switch goes on, and you hold them ever so tightly, you get , I love you mummy, hmmmmmm moment, makes toilet interruptions, tantrums, I hate you moments, I am thirsty, hungry, leave me alone, but I want it, it's your fault, not so bad after all.